RITUAL - RE-BIRTH- RE-BOOT -RE-CONNECT - My Story - A Break from my Silence

March 31, 2018

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Jillian Ann + Founder + Designer + CEO of RITUAL

RITUAL - RE-BIRTH- RE-BOOT -RE-CONNECT - 

Once Upon a time when I arrived I had a blank slate and that slate was a vibration of innocence. When we see a child’s eyes and they never look away it is because they have not learned to fear humans, they are so present then.

I was present I had no fear I was just being.

Then I went outside there was this world, I started to explore it, I found things which made me feel inspired, made me feel more love, light, joy , peace. Nature, animals, the sky, stars the moon and creating, music, drawing, channeling.

I was raised in the woods my mother tried to protect me by keeping me away from the dark energies as a child. I did not understand .Innocence and presence I feel dance as the sun and moon. They need each other in order to exist.

I was homeschooled which meant my human interaction was my family and church . I spent the majority of my early life reading, listening to music, in nature and creating. My mother never forced a schedule on me which I am thankful for. I just had to finish my task and school work this allowed me to always be in the moment or flow.

I started my life with what do I want to do when and adapted to that as my only normal reality. Most days I wanted to play outside, create art, hang out with my animals and maybe interact with people. I found nature art and animals did not affect my ability to be present or feel connected to the energy humans were hit or miss.

Because I was so isolated I was able to feel if I was connected or not because I was so connected most of the time. I was never force fed structure or had to spend hours learning to repeat things I had no need for or be indoctrinated by systematic programs developed not to expand our ability intelligence or creativity but to “educate us” .

Due to this lack of input from the outside and allot more input from my internal self. I was not “normal” I was strange I would make people presents to try to be friends because I didn’t know how to really talk. I would try to teach my friends how to float out of their bodies in nature when I was seven and got in trouble because the other parents thought I was a bad influence .

I learned everything I did made me feel something, every person, every place, every room. I would go into a room and feel not only the moment but everything that ever happened there. Sometimes I would go into a building and feel this darkness, terror , and I over time learned the reason was most of the time something terrible happened there.

I started very young learning how to tune into places, people, and time , I could feel time but not the way most people see time. Most people see time as liner as this thing on a clock . Time doesn’t feel like that to me time feels like a river , when I would meet someone I wouldn’t meet them I would meet all of them in time. I would meet someone and see flashes of things inside of them from the past and visions of the future . It made it hard to focus in this world that was so structured and so overloading and so utterly stimulating but not in a way that made me feel good.

I kept trying to stay close to the things that made me feel connected, because if I wasn’t connected I couldn’t create and if I couldn’t create I would feel disconnected.

Creativity was the only thing I really cared about, being creative but being creative wasn’t structured for me it was like a river and for me it wasn’t about being creative to be rich, or famous or achieve something it was about connecting to source and channeling it through creativity.

Through that process I felt a happiness and joy nothing and even now no drug no high no amount of money or experience can beat.

It was the purest form of innocence and presence most spiritual paths try to get you to the same place through RITUAL, worship, or distortions try to get people there through being rich , high, sex, famous, powerful but the thing is it is the underlying energy which determines the outcome and the impact of the action .

Every interaction or action had a energetic imprint on my ability to feel that connection some made it easier and some hurt it .

Then came my dance with darkness

I remember the first time I really felt it , I was so happy and so connected and it felt like someone went inside my body and ripped my heart out and I felt terror. I didn’t understand it i didn’t know what to do about it I was so confused.

Why do I feel so drained, so hurt so empty so sad .

Then as I started to move into the world I didn’t understand. My mothers intense extreme and committed passion to protecting me, she kept moving us further away from other people, she kept me home and part of me as a teenager didn’t understand what I know now .

She knew they would hunt me, she knew they would hunt my light, my body, my spirit . She knew they were like blood hounds and they could see me from miles away.

So she tried so hard to keep me away from them, but she couldn’t no one could have there is too many of them and they are everywhere . They hunt the light, they hunt innocence they hunt presence the hunt the energy . But not to connect to source through it or with it which is how we were created to connect in love. But to take it through domination and force and to consume it and then discard it .

Love means when light sees light we create more light, when love meets love we create more love , when creativity connects to creativity we create more .

This the balance we were all created to exist in . Everywhere all things nature, animals, humans each other all beings. When we dance we create a beautiful magical reality .

Then life got strange, I don’t know how they found me but they did one door opened to another and I remember the feeling , I felt scared but I didn’t know what to do they used to paralyze me . Then came the master hunters .

These beings have somehow lost so much of there ability to connect to the source of love that they connect to a source of power through destruction.

Creation and destruction is the same energy and we were meant to feed off the channel of creation but we have a choice we can choose to feed off either .

This is our free will this is also the most important realization we can have when it comes to our collective future.

Every single thing we do feeds one or the other and sometimes we need to clear something but clearing is not destructive it just creates space.

Destruction takes power through force and by taking someone else’s power or energy without them wanting to give it.

The distinction between a loving and connected and positive interaction is both people want to exchange the energy euqally and both feel better when they are in it and after it . The opposite is destructive when one is taking energy someone doesn’t want to give which leave you feeling drained.

I remember them, they always looked at me and I felt this terror, I knew they were hunting me, I tried to hide, but I also wanted and was called to create and to shine and to be visible.

How can I be visible and be out there and be safe, they are hunting me, there is nowhere I can go in the entire world that they do not exist in and my energy attracts them like moths to a flame .

As a child I had no defenses I did not know what to do and I remember when the first master hunter had somehow captured me . This may be triggering but I feel we cannot hide this in the shadows for all that is hidden has power.

He developed weapons I do not remember how he found me, they always found me and they always came to me and they always offered me something which was a promise of something positive . They always said they wanted to help me with my creativity and help me reach my dreams.

My parents tried to protect us so much they made sacrifices and although things happened in my home that hurt I understand the karmic histories that created it and also over the years we have all been able to grow heal and love through things which hurt all of us.

In my family there was histories of abuse, addiction, trauma, like everyone else it seems. Like most good humans they were trying to be the best they could, but as all humans we make mistakes. They didn’t know what to do with me and sometimes things became angry, or explosive or dark and for me it made me want to runaway, it made me want to escape because I didn’t feel connected, I didn’t feel safe.

When my home didn’t feel safe then nothing felt safe, they tried to make it safe but if someone yells or hit me ever it made me feel in danger. That feeling made it so art and the woods were the only place I felt safe . So I chased art because it made me feel connected and safe.

I was shiny and pretty and so as I entered the world came the industry. They offered me money to perform , dance, sing, model as a child. I loved creating , and my mother was torn she knew I loved to be creative but she knew by allowing me that the hunters were there. Because they hunt the light . I rebelled because I wanted to follow my creativity and I didn’t understand her fear . I do now.

Everything I did I would rapidly learn and be able to rise the moment I was able to focus my energy, connect to the source channel through innocence and presence and then download through time and space.

It is why I have done it so many times in so many worlds and often confuse people on “how” because most people do not understand what is available to our being , our mind body and soul if we are capable of fully being present because 99 of our programing teaches us how to be not present but programmed.

Then came what I have come to realize caused me to not be able to connect through sexuality, love and source clearly and consistently until this year .

After years of rising and falling rising and falling and learning what I rise and why I fall because for me all of this everything I have ever done from be a child model, to a competing dancer, to a pianist who could play the hardest pieces effortlessly who surpassed all of my teachers, to the first alt girl who inspired a movement in the entire modeling industry , across all genres , from being the first alt girl who was on the cover of 13 naughty magazines in the same month, to being a top fetish model, to creating a website that was in the top 100 in the world by myself and getting 20 million people to come visit it, to touring with bands and playing for 10-20k people, to charting in multiple genres at the same time, to starting a fashion + music label that was on A list celebrities in the first year with nothing but me and my ability to connect and create and channel because ... it’s not my energy I just can channel it .

Everything for me is about learning and a journey and my spiritual one. It is why when I rise and fall I never see it as failure but rather a lesson,

These lessons for me have been about energy, spirit, cause and effect and human evolution not just for me but for us.

Because I believe that all of us are connected and that my lesson becomes your knowledge and that we share information in ways we have never been taught.

That me over hear learning my lesson can shift everyone globally on the same frequency and by learning they learn faster. The Hundredth monkey effect and the Butterfly effect . Many people like me have become famous but lost all control of a path and were controlled by light hunters.

The problem with people like me being controlled by light hunters is our channel is often then broken and what we create often leads to the energetic channel of more destruction rather then creation , more fear or scarcity rather then love.

I had one built in program in me which overrides all other programs that have tried to install into my brain and being that program was my spirit and it refused to lose one thing, that one thing was my ability to be present and to connect to source , many of my exits or falls from various heights were not because I wasn’t making allot of money, or doing really well.

Many of them were because all of the sudden the things around me shifted to such a degree I knew my energetic and creative output was being altered through the co channeling of energy.

Which is why I have over and over and over built my own channels . I have continually tried to engage with others to create “larger” channels . But if I saw the energy shift into the exchanges of energy becoming used to control through manipulation and force even if unconscious to the majority of the feeders if the intention of all involved in the channel was only to “take” . From other beings, fans, people, etc, if it was only about how much “money” or how much “energy” they could get out my spirit would start to kick up.

Lets talk about my interactions with light hunters.

The first really intense one that has taken me generations to heal was when I was a teenager I wasn’t old enough to drive. I do not know how he found me he developed weapons so lets start there. He made allot of money making things that kill people in mass proportions . That was his creativity so he hunted light. I didn’t understand any of this as a kid, I was all about trees and my dogs and making music and art and love and beauty.

I didn’t know he did that until years later when I was on tour with a well known band at the time he wrote me, he had been arrested for creating child porn and he said he was sorry. I remember sitting there in my big beautiful house in San Francisco right after being on tour playing with Sly and Robbie and just realizing what really happened to me.

I remember the feeling, and I remember not remembering, I remember him offering me drugs and alcohol and saying I should do it, I remember not being able to say no, I remember feeling the worst feeling ever, and then I remember the blackness . I remember feeling sick for days and not knowing what to do who to talk to and I was told tell no one or else you will be taken away and bad things horrible things will happen . I was scared so I didn’t tell anyone, I kept going back and doing as told until I ran away from my home.

I ran away because everything was destroying me I was so confused I couldn’t connect I just wanted to leave the planet I hurt so much. Humans confused me , I didn’t understand why they would rape, beat, abuse, murder, kill, blow up each other.

I saw the world as this beautiful place and was so confused on why people were choosing to try to take energy from each other through harm, force, abuse, war, rather then just go sit in the woods and connect to the endless eternal energy that is everywhere?

I was shiny I couldn’t hide once I ran away I just encountered more light hunters, I was modeling and doing music and I couldn’t tell the ones who really wanted to love me, or help me, or help me with my dreams and the ones who just wanted to consume my energy be it sexually or creatively through profit and then if I got weak from giving too much push me until there was nothing left or hurt me until I would reboot just to survive.

Then came the one that hunted me down they found me they offered me a months living expenses to do a photo shoot. I thought I just won the lottery , they put me on a private plane and then took me to a mansion then I remember the feeling I was 17 I had never had sex with a man. I have learned since then that people pay millions to acquire people like me and have ways that explain why my mother was so scared. Its real it happens and it is dark .
https://www.soroptimist.org/trafficking/faq.html

It was days and involved me trying to escape and being hunted down again , and more so the most intense part was the manipulation the darkness and the loss of complete self and control. The human who was behind it is connected funded in all worlds including extremely high up in the government . My life was weird and it got weirder after .

I am sure I am not the only one, and they still do this all the time, 32 billion a year or so of it. All over the world there are woman and men like me who were children I was 17 who all of the sudden experience something so painful and so terrifying that many of them becomes addicts just to cope.

After having my life threatened being abused in all ways and on extreme nightmare levels which is why I do not watch or want to engage with media that profits off magnifying this reality such as horror films around those topics. I was returned to my life by a private plane with instructions never to talk.

My spirit was so sad, I just wanted to get back to the light and I was so lucky because I found the rave scene and I found medicines there that allowed me through dance and moving meditation to start to find a new way to reconnect to the channel and override the program I had been given which was termination.

After that I had a very loud program in my head to self terminate, it was endless , and if I pushed it out of my head it would come through people , strangers, emails, people around me, people would tell me one thing then change. The suicide program or self termination and anyone who has struggled with it knows what I am talking about.

I had my dance with death but my spirit program override the termination program and then I dived deeply and fast into rebooting through dance, creativity and medicines that allowed me to rewire and reprogram my own mind.

After sometime focused on reprograming my being from that imprint forced on me as I didn’t want it because they were light hunters . I realized a few things.

No one could take my energy I was endless, I just had to reboot my programming and process the pain.

When we are abused which is anytime someone in my perspective is interacting with us just to take and not to exchange out of trying to take power rather then share energy. It hurts us and makes us feel sad and not worthy and disconnected and the termination program says

No one will love you, you will never be good enough, you are broken, you will never heal, you are worthless, you should just go do xyz self harm thing until you either are numb and then turn into a light hunter usually and don’t even know it .

Or you end up dead or living dead either way the termination program turns us into connected happy loving safe feeling at peace beings into people who are either trying to cope often through some abuse that numbs our feelings . Or turns us into people who then repeat the traumas.

To be able to heal and not repeat and not just cope is something that is starting to be taught more and brought more to light. It is such a whole being reprogramming that I feel it is a fusion of all things we do in order to reboot our being that needs to become more present in our healing systems.

The truth I learned is that I would reboot go back out make a bunch of beautiful big lights and try as hard as I could to avoid the light hunters from getting me.

I see them energetically and one day I realized the only way I was going to be able to keep my innocence and heart open and my channel open and survive was to be able to reboot fast and clear it .

Not never keeping it from happening. Rather take it when it happened as a lesson and each time it would happen it would change. Manipulation and force are shape shifters I have had them shape shift around in so many ways but each time they do it fool me then I wake up going oh no your just using me as a battery and you are beating me up, or raping me, or abusing me I got to leave now.

I would walk away and be like ok what did I miss, I would memorize the energy and then add it to a inventory internally of how to tell the difference between powerful being that appear to be loving, light but are really just feeding off your energy and are driven by ego rather then driven by the awareness of the real truth .

Because they can be so pretty, and most of the time they don’t even know what they are doing people who are capable of molesting children, raping people beating people, and then saying “ I never did anything to hurt them” are light hunters and in someways the most difficult kind because the next thing I learned was.

If I encountered a light hunter, let it feed on me, and then had to leave because they were draining me or raped me, hit me, beat me up, cheated on me, lied to me, deceived me, tried to kill me, hurt me then if I walked away they would stop at nothing to destroy me my reputation and my world.

They would lie and people would believe them, they would say horrible things about me that were not true , they may put a hit on me, hack me, take down my website, they would defame me, they would stalk my co workers supporters friends and endlessly try to convince them that I was the one who was bad.

I remember the first time this happened and how hard it was to be standing far away watching the war and feeling the sadness deep inside because this is why we have war, this is why people suffer and this is why we are a planet maybe driving ourselves into a rapid extinction as a race. This energy and everything with us isn’t just killing the love it is killing us and our planet.

The person running around trying to tear me down by pretending to be a victim when they laid the blows is no different then when we go to war as countries except I had to learn how to fight for what I was always fighting for which meant .

Having to learn to rise above it , heal on my own, and start over. It has been my teacher on trust surrender and patience . Every time I have been shot down and had someone endless try to destroy me I have learned to just go inside and rise from the source and not lower my vibration to meet them because then I become one of them.

This happens everyday in any conflict we all have a choice to engage and learn through our mistakes and see falling as teachers suffering as lesson and evolve together . Or try to blame someone else for our suffering, our pain ,our lack.

I watch a world spinning out filled with charlatans as leaders, puppets as idols most idols are created and are allot of children who often got lost and then spin out and have sad endings some can be strong enough to create their own reality .

Once the music industry projected real visionaries and artist and we had movements but they industry changed and now the fear vibration around scarcity prevents it from supporting the energy it was built originally to project.

There is still things coming through the projector that are channeled from that connection to endless time and space and source that is what creates every positive life changing creation we are blessed to receive here from industry to entertainment.

I’ve spent 3 decades now almost 4 learning lessons and have dedicated my life to this journey and to doing whatever I could to create and release as much of the energy from the clear channel I could.

I make mistake and sometimes realize things in my life are not aligned with the vision which is always really hard because it means either restarting or shifting. Also people change money and fame for many is Cryptonite I am blessed I got to learn that fame , money power are all empty energy sources just good tools early on.

I built something out of inspiration of creating a new channel, during the building process I found myself being abused, and my battery was draining , I knew I couldn’t continue the way it was being it was actually killing me from the inside . I was waking up with bruises , black eyes, sexually assaulted and it was inside of the walls of the world I built. This time was different this time I had a much harder choice.

Normally and in my past I would have just runaway because it was easier then trying to face a light hunter who didn’t realize it . That like in a movie when you have to face the creature and your like you know that thing it’s going to kill me , and if it doesn’t it will not stop trying until it is gone or changes into a butterfly either way.

YOU WANT ME TO FACE THAT

One of my guides said to me on the phone when I called in tears, what do I do .

Do the opposite of your fear .

I meditated on that and realized the reason I kept rising and falling rising and falling was when a light hunter got me I just ran away . I would just give them the castle the fans the houses everything and run because I knew I would always be ok because we all are and always will be this entire idea of scarcity is a program to create slavery mindset.

Running away would have been so much easier and somedays I sit here being this is so hard I could have just run away and started over but this time I wasn’t alone this time I had a small world with a people animals lots of things that if I just ran I would actually in a butterfly effect teaching them spiritually that if you have to choose between standing your ground or just allowing light hunters to get away with energetically destroying positive impact due to needing to feed ego because they have forgotten how to feed on light that then I would be enabling and supporting that energy.

I had to find courage and allot of it and I still do everyday cause I am still in it except I was able manage to see thanks to my oracles that one train was about to go off the cliff and I couldn’t save the train .

I had to build a new one while the other one was going toward the cliff then I had to get the new one next to the other one and then I couldn’t save everything on the train I was going to have to let allot go I was going to take loss and allot of it.

I had to save everything that really mattered and let everything else go because there was not enough time or energy to save the one train being run for destruction by the destructive force that was the opposite of my creative force and that it was going to destroy allot of things I loved I was going to lose allot .

I started letting go of my homes first in Bali, and as I let it go without knowing where I would go a light being opened a door to another home, this home had energy that was light, it was smaller but it was perfect it was in nature and it was safe.

I could have never seen that coming. Then I had to let go of my american home, both homes I loved and were my temples letting both of them go was so scary but I knew I had to let them go because I could only save a few things and building a new train was going to take 99 percent of me between healing myself so I could build it and building it.

Then as I was losing it another one opened up, and I was supported and safe and it came from light the energy felt safe, loving, peaceful.

Then there was the people I worked with some stayed some fell away, same thing with people who supported me I lost some, it was sad more so because most of the ones I lost never even asked me how I was or what happened but I know how this goes many people enjoy watching wars and feed on the energy that creates a similar reality to why our news is filled only with war, loss, fear, based energetic things.

Frequencies

Love and hate feel the same but if we feed off hate it lowers our energy and eventually we lose our ability to feel love at all. Just like if we do the reverse and feed love eventually you don’t feel hate.

Trust/surrender or fear
This has been my teacher and its been so hard because when you are trying to operate in the light but not get shot down by light hunters or be so fast at ripping bullets our and rebooting it doesn’t matter you can’t do it alone. So you for me that meant I couldn’t do this alone.

For along time my process when I was recovering or dealing with a battle I would isolate and do allot of it alone this time I couldn’t there was no possible way I could build the train heal myself and move all the things alone .

So I had to surrender and trust that even if my bank accounts were dipping into the negative and energetically I could feel the impact of the destruction trying endlessly to destroy everything on the entire train I had to trust and surrender that if I did this that I wouldn’t go down with the train and I could with the help of the universe and others manage to take the light build the train and get it back on course.

There were days I would be like running would be so much easier but I would then see the train with all the other people and all the beauty and magic and everything from the light going off the cliff and exploding into flames and darkness and my spirit would be like this is not why we are here finish the train get it back on the tracks.

I centered my life in a place the exports art and makes it money off healing and joy and creativity because living in a place that is funded by death and destruction by its two major energy intakes became hard for me while trying to heal and build the new train and save the light’s.

I ended up in a relationship with a being who when I first saw them felt the I know you, and for days it hung over me but I didn’t see them yet. For the majority of my life I knew my lovers would have to be extremely unique beings . In order for me to stay in my light and follow my path another would have to be very evolved to not get lost in the energies all around it which pull many down without them knowing .

I knew they would have to have courage and be strong and patient and most of all be able to see things most people can’t see or else no matter how much I loved them or wanted it to work it wouldn’t .

If I was going to be able to face my fears and my traumas and heal and be able to overcome my own termination programs and my own destructive programs I would need someone who could let me do that . Most of all someone who would be aware that you can never ever keep me safe by putting me in a cage or trying to control me through force.

Some call them twin flames other call them lots of things and often you don’t recognize them because often it’s not easy, it’s different and it requires balance of two beings deciding to evolve and face all things light and dark and grow together through the fears and the doubts rather then try to control the other through destructive behavior.

Relationships any relationship can provide so much healing and transformation if we as beings can meet from a place of clear energetic connection which requires being present.

Which is something as a race we have lost most people aren’t able to be present because of the pain and have no guide out of the pain because taking pills or using drugs just temporarily dulls our pain but it is still there.

This being and others helped me reboot, build a train and save allot of light and now its back and so am I on course . Which feels good I feel that feeling of inspiration and I feel that even though I have gone through many things I am back to where I was as a child and able to just be present in love and be present in the moment and allow all things to flow through it.

But this isn’t about me, it’s my story but its yours and millions of others its our story .

I feel with the #metoo movement our butterfly effect is happening and with this those of us who have gone through the darkness gone into the shadows and have learned how to heal ourselves, deprogram the termination programs and reboot must not be silent.

I was silent out of fear that if I showed myself they would come and hunt me and I maybe wouldn’t be strong enough to survive . Yet that silence was enabling the energy to be stronger and I realize as scary as it is to write and share these stories.

It is our story

I live in a healing capital of the world and millions come here seeking healing and I see the beauty and I see the light hunters parading around as shamans , visionaries, gurus, yoga teachers, and you know all the one we already know about and I realize that silence only creates more light hunters .

I see beautiful beings around me like me ( allot of woman and men ) who are seeing to heal to transmute to evolve and are searching for information and once upon a time us artist well we were the ones who tell these stories and then the energy created out hundredth monkey or butterfly effect.

But so many of us are silent , we are afraid of not selling our “products” we are afraid of conflict we are afraid of people unliking us, we are afraid of so much our light can’t shine . I realize I did that but don’t want to do that because it serves no one.

It’s ok you can unlike me, you can never buy from my fashion label, you can go be a super haters , it’s ok let them talk cause the truth is I have really seen especially in this last year that the truth moves slow sometimes and sometimes its hard to hold on when you got bombs incoming and are trying to build a train in the dark out of salvaged wood. Yet I learned that energetically if I did the work inside and out that then all of the sudden I was on a new train.

This train feels really beautiful, really inspiring, its full of beautiful people who share the same vision and dedication to light, and its on a track toward a better future not just for me but for all of us and through all of us all of you.

You want to change the world ? you want to see a better future you want to be part of “transformation” you want to heal and evolve its easy you don’t need a guru they will show up you will know them you will collide you do not need to spend thousands of dollars , but being able to find your connection to the channel again is the work we all have to do then clear the channel and then make choices take actions and create slowly a beautiful reality.

With this comes loss, comes people not liking you, comes not being nice, comes people maybe even hating you, hurting you trying to kill you, and with this comes inspiration , love beauty peace and joy.

No one can save us but us, no one can destroy us but us . Everything in our reality is by our choices and creations . Even those painful things which is why we must overcome the victim mindset because it keeps us helpless. Us not sharing our real stories and real selves is only preventing us all from evolving . Our fear around not being pretty, perfect, thin, successful ,accepted , safe just keeps our light from expanding and connecting to more light.

The programs we have inherited or been given all have to be looked at taken stock of and examined just because someone told us its true ? is it ? and do not believe anything I say , is it working ? is it making you happy ? are you happy ? what makes you happy and why ? why do you go to work ? whats the point of your job? why are you with your lover ? what is love ? why are we hear ? what do we want to create ? .

When I sit and stare at the stars and see time flowing I see many possible futures for us as a race one of those possible futures is so beautiful I wish I could show it to you. I try to sometimes when I make art or songs or fashion I try to show you through my art the worlds I see some of them are our future and some of them are from other worlds we cant see yet or at least not with machines.

I try to channel some of it into the creations because it is so beautiful, it is in balance and when we feel it, it feels good, it makes us want to kiss and dance, laugh create, touch , communicate to spend time in nature and to protect everything to the best of our ability, our bodies our minds our planet each other animals . It is aware that life consumes life and that because of that honoring and being in balance with it is vital to our happiness. I wish I could channel more that is my work to do is to get back to creating more and learning how to have firm boundaries and not be afraid to just get out or say no to anything thats not loving .

It is really hard for me sometimes lets say I have this train and we have a party on this train I built and everything in it feels really good and all these people are having a beautiful time and there is love and beauty and it all this beauty is created from it.

Then someone gets on the train and they change the energy, they start just trying to take energy its subtle at first, and it always comes appearing to be giving then there is this being on the train . Next thing you know everyone feels it and the train starts to go off the tracks and there is the being and you realize now they have the wheel.

You know you have two choices give them the wheel and let them wreck the train and take it off course or protect yourself knowing they may turn into one of those creatures from harry potter the black ones the really scary ones. So this is where many of us empathic or programed or just being struggle is that choice . Many of us surrender I did for years because I wanted to be nice , or they would be mad, or maybe I was being judgmental even though I could see they were taking the train off the track.

I have learned now its better to usually go to some other light beings and ask what we should do and not do it alone. Then confront them and be like hey so the train goes toward the waterfall not the cliff and since we are all on it can you either come hang out with us over here in this really warm loving space or get off the train.

Allot of souls can’t handle that and then they will try to gaslight or attack or hurt you and thats when it gets scary and why we have so much abuse which is why its always better to confront the light hunters not alone if you can . Cause if your alone its hard and they may just throw you off the train and take the train so stick together.

If a light hunter isn’t ready to just become light then you have to just stop the train and say look this is our train your either on it with us cause we are going to the waterfall and if you don’t want to it’s ok but you cant change the train to go off the cliff just because you want to. If you want to go off the cliff then you can go alone or find a train of other people going there and go together but you cant take this train or me, I do not want to go there so

NO

and then when they try to take more energy or destroy you or try to ruin your life its just

NO

and get back on the train and surround yourself with all the things that inspire you and make you feel loved, safe, creative, happy, and bring more and more of that on the train, then make it a city, then a country, then a planet ....

Back to the futures I see another future too

Thats the one with the train going off the cliff , thats the one with our planet dying and it is we are killing it, and its us I am sorry it’s not the animals or the stars and sure the sun is going to explode one day but until then.

This planet is us and we are it and we are all connected and everything we do, think, say, consume, support, love, or harm contributes to one a different future for all of us.

That future is one where I had a dream once I had a child and I was just going from one city to another to another trying to just find clean air for the baby and there was none.

I travel allot I see more of the actual planet then allot of people and because of that I see things the news hides thee future of the train going off the cliff is hell on earth and allot of people are already in it . You may even be.

You don’t have to stay there this entire concept of not having choice was created to control us and to keep us feeding a machine and I have no idea how or why it was created and it doesn’t matter . Do not waste your time trying to understand or chasing dragons down the conspiracy fear channel it will just consume your energy.

Rather take all your energy everything every choice every time you do or consume everything you are creating your own and our collective future and that future could be so beautiful and so inspiring or it could be hell and we get to create it.

The idea of powerless is false the truth is we are the energy and we all have it and what we feed grows . We have been feeding systems of destruction , every industry I have ever been in needs radical transformation and some of the ones I have been in are shifting evolving changing adapting .

You think you are small you are not you think you do not have choice you do but you have to take action and nothing matters you can say talk all day long but if you don’t actually make choices in your actions it is all meaningless and is just wasting energy ( I have done it and work on not doing it )

That being said everything we do, buy , say , eat, touch , think. concume has a impact on everything else.

I started a corporation because I wanted to create a transformational one, so I could use business to transform industry through art and commerce . I didn’t do it for any other reason and I choose art and fashion ( music, fashion, art, eventually film ) because It is where my gifts are. Right now I have a baby as a company and I am learning and growing everyday and I hope one day this baby can be a strong healthy adult and be if nothing else a inspiration for someone else to do it better then me .

Because my entire life I loved it when I used to sit in restaurants with Simon Sinek when I was 20 or something and debating on why and then he made this years later , I met him on a photoshoot making art we stayed in touch till I lost his number and was running around the globe being a muse /model/artist.
https://www.ted.com/talks/simon_sinek_how_great_leaders_inspire_action

Or my friend Tara Macky who now has two #1 books on health and healing I met her so long ago on a shoot but she was another one , and we talked about allot of things and co inspired each other and now she has done things I saw I wish I could have done but I cant do them all and I am so happy and proud of her for creating such an inspiring world.
https://www.instagram.com/taraamackey/?hl=en
http://theorganiclifeblog.com/

There is so many more people out there who had a dream or a idea or got inspired and just believed in it and didn’t give up on it .

You say but I am not a model or speaker or business owner , great we need you because everyone like me needs good people who will work with me on the support side in accounting, law, finance, investing, data entry, customer service, sales, its endless every big positive corporation like Whole Foods or Tesla needs allot of people ( I hope one day to need allot of people too ) so its ok you don’t need to be a front person we need people to help us and be our support systems or we can’t do it.

I am still building my support system and nothing is more inspiring or valuable for me then my co workers who are inspired to help do data entry because it helps the vision and they are amazing at it so then I can be amazing at what I do .

I am creating my dream and I make mistakes I have hybrid ( I want a Tesla ) I try to shop and support only organic ethical food, I started a fashion company so I knew I could have something to wear that was made ethically and was still sexy, I work in entertainment because I want to help shift the channel and I have so many ideas and dreams I hope to help create here with others but I need all of you.

We all need all of each other

We don’t have much time to change trains here and we really don’t have time to waste .
Everything we do affects everything all the time. I am writing this because I feel inspired I know some people may laugh at me or not buy from me and it’s ok, others will be inspired and then maybe they will have an idea and make a business or write a book or create a song or help someone who is.

Or maybe just share it and it gets published and goes viral and then all of the sudden it inspires others to do the same and this is why I do because I want to see the future I see of us that is beautiful where we restore more balance, where there is beauty and art, where we are loved and safe and happy, where there is no war, no religions that separate us, no countries that keep us apart .

A world in which we remember we are all so connected and all in this together where we work together globally to create a balanced beautiful and inspired reality for all beings .

We are in the new dark ages and a renaissance always came from the people we are the ones who can and will change this , how we change it is up to our choices.

Don’t be afraid of the monsters in your head, the people who you have to say no to, abusers who try to destroy you for standing up for yourself or others, of people unfollowing you or unliking you, of running out of love or money...

Face those things so you can share your own light and remember you are always loved , you are always safe, even in death, even if you are hurt, or raped or abused, you are not destroyed or broken or unlovable or not good enough or not enough, you are always loved , it may not come from humans but if you doubt me step away from this machine and go to nature go deep into her and stay with her.

Turn off your phone and turn off your computer go alone take some food and water and stare in the stars and face your fears and just stare at them and then you may cry for awhile, you may feel really alone, you may have pain and it may flow out of you in gallons of tears and its ok, let them all out but stay there for as long as it takes and it wont take long until you feel it, and it feels like a warm blanket of energy wrapping all around you and holding you for eternity then stay in it, listen to it, ask it to guide you . That is eternity , it is “god” it is love it is infinity it is you and you are it , and if you feel lost go there and through that find yourself again .

I promise you if you do this you will remember who you are, and you will feel love and every time you feel like its too much find that, seek that, and if you cant get to nature go meditate, go do yoga, go anywhere there is no screen , no people no other energy but yours and source because in the end that is where everything comes from and ends .

You are not broken you have been poorly programmed and it is up to us to rewrite the code and reprogram not only ourselves but our projected future . If you feel like its too much and your all alone try posting on your facebook I feel alone I feel sad I feel scared and just watch what happens and who shows up. Thats being vulnerable but we all feel that way but then get off your computer and go hang out with another person and talk to them and connect with them not sitting across a table staring at your phones but really connect and share your stories your dreams your fears your hopes and build from that.

Our world has endless love and endless inspiration waiting for us to just see it, it is everywhere in every rock in every tree in every stone in every star.

The Kingdom of God is inside you and all around you
Not in a mansion of wood and stone
Split a piece of wood and I am there
Lift a stone and you will find me.

We are never disconnected from source the illusion of it has created the majority of our suffering on this planet.

The only thing that will inspire us, keep us safe, make us happy, bring us endless love is inside of us .

To anyone who reads this now or ever I know what it feels like to feel alone, helpless, broken, hurt, worthless, not good enough, I know what it feels like to want to just disappear and I know that all of that came from a energy field and it isn’t me , I can choose to become it or we can choose to rise above it. I know what its like to feel small and hopeless and like there is nothing we can do, but none of it is true.

My life is proof of that and I am thankful for all the scars on my body and bullet marks in my soul because I can tell you now from where I am that when your going through the hard parts the painful parts the difficult parts to just keep going . Just keep believing and never stop having faith .

If you feel alone I may a stranger you will never meet and I may be dead when you read this and who knows but I will never die , I am eternal we all are and if you feel alone know I was there and now I am here and I felt just like you and when I feel alone I would look at the sky and find one star and say to myself.

I will follow the light even if it is only one star in the ocean of the sky , follow the light , connect to the beacon , you are not alone , you never will be , you are forever, and eternally loved and nothing can ever take that away from you except when you forget it and get lost in the illusions or the destructive frequency .

We are like radio antenna just tune into the channel and then if someone tries to change it tune back, in your mind if you need to overcome a negative though such as no one loves me, I am worthless, I am not good enough just say to yourself over and over, I am loved, I am safe, I am supported.

Then find the star and know one night I looked up at the stars and I wrote this for you, I am still there just like the star, just like you. We are endless eternal energy and it is only when we forget who we really are do we suffer so much.

If you read all this and were inspired feel free to share it save it copy it or parts of it and better yet share your story .

Don’t forget

If you feel lost or alone just look at the sky

<3



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